I_Am_Godzilla_You_Are_Japan's Xanga

.what if.

Sun, 23 Sep 2007 09:20:20 GMT

What if my life is just one big series of whims? I don't plan things. I rarely even make decisions. I just go with something that seems like it fits, feels right, whatever. What if I'm not in control of myself?

What if this includes more than just day-to-day things. I could be in the wrong school. Some day I might marry a girl who, to me, is flawless, only to realize later that my feelings were only in the moment. Have I ever done anything legitimate in my life? I can't think of one thing I did honest, hard work on from day one that directly benefited my life or the lives of those around me. I can't imagine ever doing that in the future.

Wow.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Wed, 27 Dec 2006 18:10:44 GMT

I just thought of something. Why don't they put nicotine in something like toothpaste? Or whole-wheat bread. Or water. Or even vitamins. Why aren't we addicted to good things?

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Sun, 22 Oct 2006 06:11:25 GMT

I'm a selfish person. I'm a hypocrite. I'm a mean person, and I only think about myself. I mean, come one. Every sentence I wrote before this started with 'I'. The thing is, as bad as I can be, I'm nothing compared to some of the really horrible people out there. The problems I think I have compared to those that others go through are like paper cuts compared to amputations. Why can't I ever seem to see the big picture? In the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Series, there's a... I can't really remember what it was, like a walk-in box kind of thing. Once you go inside, it shows you how vastly, pathetically improbable the slightest chance of our individual existence is. Sometimes I wish I could just kind of witness that and have that image with me at all times. I think too much of my life as a movie with everyone else as side characters instead of real, thinking, breathing, caring, crying, living, dying people. Life is overdramatized what with the news, gossip, and just general interpretations to the point that reality is something that almost no longer exists.

God, I need some sleep. Amen.

ANDREW

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Thu, 28 Sep 2006 01:51:45 GMT

Things I don't do
Drink, especially to the extent of getting intoxicated
Abuse any kind of substance, legal or illegal
Respect people who do the above
Smoke cigarettes
Do horrible things without feeling guilty
Disrespect my friends
Steal from my friends
Respct my mother like I should
Abuse myself
Try hard enough in my studies
Make up my mind fast enough
Keep all my stuff organized
Hang out with assholes
Like country music
Play games like Bejeweled
Have sex
Respect Trash TV/Magazines

.really.

Tue, 26 Sep 2006 02:42:49 GMT

I wish I could explain all the things that I can't explain.

I feel like I have so much to say, but I don't know how to talk.

How can I be myself around others when I have no idea what myself is like?

But then, wouldn't everything I do reflect who I am? I mean, how could I not be myself?

I hate it when people say my music or movies or just interests in general suck or blow or whatever they feel like saying. Who the hell are they to say that something is bad? Just because you don't like something, does that give you the right to judge it?

I try to be a good guy. I try. I'm lazy, though. I procrastinate. I feel like devoting the rest of my life to the peace corps or something. That way I could be forced into doing something beneficial for a change.

Compared to all of the things that happen in life, have happened in past lives, and that are happening in the lives of others, my dilemmas with high school and such things seem so trivial. Why can't I always see the big picture? Maybe if I could easily see my life in its miniscule actuality, I would succeed more often. Maybe it would give me the motivation and inspiration I've lacked my whole life.

I wish I had something to fight for. I wish I had something to overcome. They don't make Hallmark channel movies about kids who had a decent life but somehow managed to be depressed and do poorly in school even though they were called smart and were in Gifted. That's not interesting.

Growing up watching movies as much as I did scarred my perceptions I think. I put things in a box. I make people into characters instead of the complex, unique beings they are. The whole country does that. We all try to give people titles, roles, so that way they feel comfortable and familiar.

I believe in God. I believe Jesus was his son and that he died for all of us. Well, I did in the past, and I'm trying to now.

The thing is, if I had been there when he had died, I can't persuade myself to think that I would have believed him then.

If I had been there, if I had lived then, I probably would have shrugged it off as some madman with a mental disorder.

Who knows?

A couple weeks ago, I got mad at my parents. They wanted me to watch a DVD about financial security and planning, and I wouldn't. I don't know why. It scared me, though, because I hadn't acted like that in a long time, and it was just horrifying to know that I could go back to the way I used to be. That wasn't a good Andrew Hankins.

I've never done drugs, drank alcoholic things, or anything like that. I feel so ignorant of that crap, but I really don't care. I'm glad that I have no connection with that kind of junk. It's one of the few things I'm proud of.

It appears I've lost my momentum.

-Andrew

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Tue, 12 Sep 2006 19:25:37 GMT

I'm getting sick. Yuck. Runny nose, scratchy throat, coughs, sneezes... It's only going to get worse before it gets better.

In related news, AKA sucky news, I was riding home with Chris Spade today, and we were rear-ended by Katie Jacobs. She hit us, and we hit Kayla Horton. Kayla just got some red paint on her car. Chris's paint was chipped in places. Katie got the worst of it. Her grill is all smashed in the center, and something was grinding or dragging as we pulled into the Rite Aid parking lot. Not to mention, she hit her head on her cd holder on her visor which left a nice little cut.

Good stuff.

School's going well. I like Drafting. It's pretty boring, but it's easy stuff, and the teacher's way nice. Almost too nice.

APUS and APES are getting tougher. After the first big hump of assignments/tests, I'll be able to tell how I'm doing in them.

English Honors with Mrs. Weddington is cool. I like her a lot, and she's fun to listen to. The whole portfolio thing is a pain in the ass, though. I hate that stuff.

I really want to go see Boys Like Girls tomorrow night. If anyone's going and could offer me a ride, I'd really appreciate it.

That's all for now,
ANDREW

My weekend

Mon, 04 Sep 2006 22:17:15 GMT

Friday night was the football game against Riverside, and our boys pretty much stomped them. I love going to football games. I don't even watch them, but I have good times with friends. For instance, I hung out with Brittany Barnes most of the time, and it was a lot of fun.

Saturday, Naseem, Odana, Brittany and I went to see The Wicker Man. Good Lord it was awful, but I laughed so much. Really, if you want to laugh at something stupid, and you haven't seen Snakes on a Plane yet, then go see it. It's so hilarious. After the movie, we got some Maggie Moo's and then some Taco Bell. Then we went to the park, walked around, and Brittany threw her stupid phone at me. Thanks, Brittany.

Yesterday I went to the Shanklins' house for their cookout, and Gary Rodvelt (the man, the myth, the legend) set off his wicked huge display of fireworks. Chris, Tyler and I hung out most of the time, playing pool, listening to Chiodos haha, and throwing snappers. Oh man, one of Gary's really big fireworks was shot off before it got dark. Chris and I watched it go up, and it spiraled in the air for a minute. Then, it didn't go off. It fell. It fell fast. We watched it come down and PLUNK! It went into the Shanklins' pool. Chris and I were dying laughing. This little kid Orion reached in and got and was carrying it somewhere, and his grandmother yelled at him to drop it, because it hadn't gone off. He threw it on the ground, right in front of Chris and ran away. Chris jumped off the ground, and if it had been me, I would have screamed. Man, that was amazing. We were laughing so hard.

Today, I woke up, cooked some hamburger helper, watched Pretty Woman and went to play some Ultimate Frisbee at the park. Anyone who's interested in playing with us sometime, gimme your number and I'll call you when we get together. We've started going to Speedway for slushies every time we finish now, so that alone should make you want to come.

That's all for now. I've got some homework to do.

See ya folks,
ANDREW

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 03:24:09 GMT

I went to a conert tonight. It was an awesome time. I got a ride with an SYC friend and brought Chris Lipinski. Here's the jist of the show.

This Providence: These guys were pretty good, and I enjoyed them, but they had the misfortune of being the first band to play. The crowd was too calm, especially considering there was no movement in front due to all the band-member-crazy chicks packed in up there. They tend to kill the excitement at a show with all their standing around and picture taking.

Cute is What We Aim For: I wasn't a big fan of these guys. I didn't really like the singer. He was kind of a douche. The drummer was crackin me up, though. Some of their songs weren't bad, but I just couldn't really get into them.

Hit the Lights: Definitely my favorite of the night. They deserved a more active crowd. I don't know why Armor for Sleep had a crazier crowd than these guys, because Hit the Lights was just good ol' pop punk fun. Everyone should have been bouncing off the walls. They were still loads of fun, and the dude with the afro is the man. I also loved how much the singer was trying to get everybody going even if it didn't work out a whole lot. "You folks know you're at a rock show, right?!"

Paramore: The headlining band of the tour. The singer is gorgeous. Really, she's beautiful. I mean, yeah. Anyways, I thought Paramore was great, but a lot of their songs seemed too slow for the momentum built up by Hit the Lights. They were still awesome, and
I liked them a bunch. Seriously, though, Hayley's bodacious.

All in all, a good show. I've been to better, but I've also been to worse. Although we don't get too many big shows, it's nice that we have a place as cool as Hyamp at all, considering we are in West Virginia.

Well, I have a photo session at Holloway in... 6 and a half hours. Jesus, I don't wanna do this. Oh well. It makes my mom happy. I'm gonna split.

Later kids,
ANDREW

Friday, August 11, 2006

Fri, 11 Aug 2006 15:00:50 GMT

I got back from Akron late last night, and my sister, Elizabeth, flew in from California. It's great to see her again. Of all my siblings, we talk the most. We just had a late breakfast, and we're about to go running. I'll catch you folks later.

Peace,
ANDREW

GONE

Wed, 09 Aug 2006 11:14:18 GMT

So this guy's skippin out to Akron, OH for a day or two to visit my brother and his family. Little Will and Ben are in for some fun times!

Lataz,
ANDREW